Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Fall to Thanksgiving to Advent to Christmas

So I guess I'm not too good at keeping up with this blog. In addition to a huge list I've compiled of "New Year Resolutions," this has certainly made it! I will try very hard to keep it updated for those of you who I know are interested!

When I last left you, we were in the beginning of fall. While I never felt truly in love with autumn this year (possibly because it took SO long for the leaves to change), we had a really wonderful season. We made it to the pumpkin patch several times and the corn maze as well. Leah ADORED finding pumpkins and gourds and we have a huge pile at home that she loves playing with as well.

Autumn also brought with it a second pregnancy. I was pretty sure I was pregnant but decided to wait an couple extra days so that I could take a test on Kyle's birthday. Lo and behold, I got a positive test result! We were both thrilled and taught Leah to say, "happy."

Unfortunately, this story does not have a happy ending. I woke up the following morning with a miscarriage. It was absolutely devastating, and even now, 2 months later, I still have a very hard time accepting that it happened. To some, I may have only lost a few cells, but in my eyes, life begins at conception and I lost a BABY. It was a horrible week that followed, as well as the weeks that followed that one. Thank God (and I truly mean that) I have Leah. She got me through those weeks, and still does. To have such a sweet and beautiful angel with me helped SO much. And remember how I said we taught her the word "happy"? Well, she repeated it over and over and that was what frequently dried my tears and made me smile.

So of course, the logical question comes: are we still trying? We did. And to be honest, without getting into too much detail, I don't know that my body can get, or sustain, a pregnancy as long as I'm still breastfeeding. I think in this society, where breastfeeding up to and past 6 months is no longer the norm, it seems odd that a woman might not be able to conceive a year and a half after the birth of a previous baby. Yet, that is how our bodies are intended to work. It's been hard for me to accept that I lost a baby and just as hard to accept that I can't get pregnant right now. However, I will continue breastfeeding Leah (even if it is just for her comfort) because it is what's best for her and am working on accepting that God has a better plan for my life than I do.

What I can say, however, is that to any woman who has had a miscarriage: I am SO sorry. It hurts so badly. To a woman who has never had one: I pray that you never have to go through this pain.

At any rate, life continues on, and as I said before, thank goodness for Leah. Halloween came and went with a certain little Autumn Fairy. I made the dress, the crown, and wand, although none of the last two made it into this picture. She was still the sweetest Autumn Fairy I ever did see, though.

Soon, Thanksgiving was here and we headed up to Maine. We had a nice Thanksgiving and even got to go hiking in a *tiny* bit of snow.

And then it was Advent. My goal for next year is to get *almost* all my Christmas gifts done by Thanksgiving so that we can concentrate on actually celebrating Advent instead of just going through the motions. At any rate, we had a wonderful season. We cut down a beautiful Christmas tree, had so much fun decorating it, and just enjoyed the month of December.

And then it was Christmas! We went to the Christmas eve service at our church which was lovely, as always. Then, we got to spend the rest of the night just the three of us. It's always nice to spend time with extended family at the holidays, but it's also really nice to spend time with your immediate family. In lieu of a traditional Christmas dinner, we opted to have a middle eastern style dinner, in the spirit of what Mary and Joseph may have eaten (of course it had our own twist). We wound up with a fantastic marinated lamb, couscous with veggies, carrot and cucumber salad, homemade hummus, pita, and olives and onions. It was absolutely delicious!

Leah left some cookies for Santa, put out her stocking, we read a few Christmas books, and went to bed!

Santa certainly came by our house! All of us got some wonderful gifts, and it is always so much fun to see others opening their gifts.... especially when you have a small someone in the house! Leah got some wonderful gifts, including lots of books, wooden dolls, and blocks.

And now, here we are! Christmas itself is over, although I have decided that we are going to celebrate until Epiphany. The tree will stay up until then, the decorations as well. Maybe next year we will try and spread the gifts out, we will see. It's fun getting to make your own traditions. :)

At any rate, I hope that you have all had a wonderful Christmas and holiday season! This year has truly been an incredible one. Hopefully I will get better at blogging and you will hear more from me. In the meantime, have a very happy new year!